Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
