spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
