Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
