I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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