Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
