the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
