So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
