I can't breathe out the right side of my face
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
