is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
