the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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