im six kinds of drunk right now
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
