Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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