i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
