haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
