i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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