I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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