This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
