So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
