and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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