I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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