so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
