I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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