Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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