dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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