My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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