Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
