I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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