I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
