some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
