Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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