I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
did you just send me my own nude
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
