I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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