the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
