Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
