i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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