he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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