just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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