Pappa wants mamma naked
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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