I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
