im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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