So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
