we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
