I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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