If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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