We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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