Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
