Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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