So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My dick has a subreddit
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
