I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
