dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
