woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
