Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
