He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want to make out with him forever
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
